“Is God calling me to do iEDGE?”
I asked myself this question a lot in the year leading up to my iEDGE application. Many others asked me as well. This question felt weighty. I was interested, but was this God’s will? Is it presumptuous to move forward without confirmation? Will it be a mess if I get this wrong? These concerns made it hard to move forward,
but I decided I would pray while I applied.
When push came to shove, there were still deadlines and the application wasn’t short. I thought that this option, along with others I was considering, were good. It aligned with my interests and goals. It also didn’t go against any of God’s revealed will in the Bible. So, I applied, I pursued a few different options, I sought advice, and most of all, I prayed. I’m glad I kept doors open. It gave me the chance to learn more about iEDGE and other opportunities with less pressure. I knew I wasn’t committing but also that I wouldn’t have to rush to apply last minute. When I did decide to do iEDGE, I had narrowed down my options to my top few. To be honest, even in the end, I don’t think I ever received a direct calling to do iEDGE. However, I did have complete assurance that for me, doing iEDGE was pleasing to God and that He would be with me.
You Want Me to WHAT?
I was trying not to scream, but I might as well have thrown a full-blown tantrum in the middle of the woods.
"I'm sorry God...but...WHAT? WHERE?"
I felt like God was telling me to go to the Middle East with iEdge for two years but He was forgetting all these important details:
I'm not good enough.
I'm too young/inexperienced.
I could never raise the money.
I have the memory of a goldfish and I never memorized the TMS.. (Am I even a Navigator?!)
I could never give up bacon.
Suddenly my Bible "coincidentally" blew open to Isaiah 55:12-13:
"You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”
I'm not 'good enough'. Neither are you.
And none of us ever will be.
But that's ok.
He's bigger than all our weaknesses.
And it will be His glory that shines in the end.
So what's your excuse?
Not good enough? Not ready? Don't have it all together? That's ok. Jesus said come as you are.
...Because HE has IT.
– Kate, iEDGEr
General iEDGEr Qualifications
We aren’t looking for perfect people but for recent graduates who are…
Walking with God – taking personal responsibility to grow in spiritual disciplines
Developing Ministry Skills – investing in people, sharing their faith, leading studies, etc
Pursuing Purity – openness rather than hiddenness (awareness of struggles, record of growth, inviting accountability)
Growing in Relational Maturity -emotionally aware, able to self-disclose, and preferably team experience
Growing a Heart for the Nations – a love for people regardless of culture
Tearing and ripping at my heart and mind
But encased in grey, my life is blind
Living a placid, peaceful death
Hiding my emotion to my last breath
Nothing ever changing day to day
Calm inside, but my soul is being flayed
Passing through in ignorant bliss
All the while sinking into the abyss
But then the stone begins to crack
All at once it shatters; I can’t go back
Flotsam and jetsam plaguing my life
Shipwrecks of the past filled with strife
Trudging and tumbling in the noxious mire
Lost in the storm, thrown in the fire
Glimmers of hope in an endless nightmare
Leaving poisonous lies for the fresh air
Filled with this weird crazy thing
Gain Knowledge, what will it bring?
I can sense the change, I feel triumphant
This is how it should be: life, life abundant
Written by an iEDGEr who dug deep through all the murky waters to be transformed by true grace in the gospel.
Ashley shares how God gave her a heart for serving two years on iEDGE.
I entered the fall of my senior year at school feeling, quite honestly, like a spiritual failure - burnt out after a long year abroad, a painfully broken romantic relationship, and a sinking feeling of being stuck, spinning my wheels, in the frustrating struggle for sexual purity.
In short, when I heard from my best friend about the iEDGE program, my reaction was mostly one of wistful regret: "I wish that my failures – especially those in the fight for purity – had not disqualified me from this opportunity to follow Christ into the nations," I thought.
From my times in prayer with the Lord, however, I became convinced that He wanted me to apply. I felt sure that, if I did apply, I would be facing hard, shaming conversations and eventually rejection, but I applied, thinking ultimately that God perhaps wanted to humble me in the process.
What I discovered was that the Lord is indeed "near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18). While the iEDGE application and interview process was thorough and even probing at times, a spirit of love – God's own Spirit – dominated the process.
I could tell that the questions asked were asked from a perspective of trying to discern how best to help me live in intimate relationship with the Lord and, from that, be a productive laborer in His kingdom. It was clear that the staff who were forming the various teams were for my good even as they were Kingdom-minded in their long-term vision.
Since joining The Navigators as iEDGE Staff, I have found them to take the charge to spur one another on in love to good works (Hebrews 10:24-25) very seriously. I have had both help and accountability, both loving encouragement and hard conversations, in good measure, and I am grateful to be walking in the light of truth with them to advance the gospel of Jesus and His Kingdom into the nations.
If you are unsure of whether to apply for iEDGE because of your struggles, past or present, with sexual sin, I would encourage you not to allow the shame associated with that sin to make you feel disqualified from the Great Commission. Rather, first talk with your discipler, your campus director, and the Navigators iEDGE team about the state of your spiritual health – they are for you! – and trust that God will use you in exactly the context He has for you, no matter what, to your good and to His glory.
My thoughts are being challenged every single day
What I think, what I do, and even what I say
Although I want to fight for what’s right
Old issues once buried are now shed in new light
What should I do with these issues anew?
I am lost and confused and don’t know what to do
How can I know that what I believe is true
When I struggle day-by-day with simply knowing You
I can do all these things that look so great
But what does that matter if in my heart there is hate?
You said that the Law and the Prophets hang on love
But I can’t love on my own, I need help from above
Lord Jesus, help me to see others through your eyes
Give me your wisdom to discern your truth from lies
And above all else, O Lord, may this I pray
Give me your grace to make it through today
In Matthew 16, Jesus makes it very clear that His true identity did not come in revelation to Simon (Peter) because of any human effort but because our Father in heaven ordained it to happen at that moment. I didn't start to really grasp the sovereignty of God over the heart of man until my time overseas.
I had my first taste of evangelism in college and God encouraged me by using me in the lives of others and allowing me to see very tangible results. During my first six months overseas I couldn't even make friends, much less share the Gospel. No matter how many lunches I ate with strangers, how many hours I spent on event flyers, or even how clearly I shared my three-minute testimony - I had no control over the hearts of those I was trying to minister to or over their response.
God allowed the word "manufacture" sit in my heart. He taught me in those two years I do not have the power to make anything happen. I will never be able to manufacture anything when it comes to His children.
It honors me to know that God invited me to share His love with my friends overseas and allowing me to see more of not only His heart but the amazing power only He holds.
Before I went through iEdge I thought of myself as a great person. There were a lot of ways I was faithful to God and to those around me. I looked forward to my time overseas with naively high expectations of myself.
Immersed in the pressure of pioneering a ministry in a foreign culture and closer relationships than I had ever experienced, I saw a more raw and honest picture of myself and I didn't like it.
The sin, the great selfishness I saw in myself was a painful but necessary dose of reality. I held my teammates to impossible standards of understanding me. God showed me that this wasn't new but the way I had approached relationships my entire life.
Two years with my team meant I was forced work through rough patches and both give and receive forgiveness for hurt. It's not hard to be grateful for that now knowing that my pattern of relating to others is transformed for the rest of my life!